In this era of content reels and social media influencers, our kids are constantly exposed to messages that relate to body image. Unfortunately, more and more of our kids are dealing with negative body image issues at surprisingly young ages.
I have a background in fitness, communications, and faith. My struggles and successes in the areas of health, fitness, and body image have prepared me to be there for my kids as they start to struggle with these things. God so often gives us experiences to later help others. Here are a few tools that I’ve used with my own children when discussing body image.
Remember: God doesn’t make mistakes.
I’m not sure I will ever forget the time my son shared about a bus ride in fourth grade. They had to sit three to a seat, and another child told my son that he took up too much space because he was fat. Although hurtful, this experience provided a beautiful opportunity to share with him that he was fearfully and wonderfully made, and that God doesn’t make mistakes.
From that conversation, a recurring theme and reminder has been shared in our home. I often tell both of my kids that God created them exactly the way he wanted them, to accomplish what he has for them to do in this life.
“For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.” (Eph. 2:10)
Now, at age 15, my son has grasped this in his life. Recently he said, “Yeah, I’m shorter than most guys. But it's not a big deal; I’m just shorter.” He has come to a place of acceptance over the physical characteristics that he cannot change, because he knows they were pre-determined by God who loves him.
In fact, my son and I often talk about what we can control and what we cannot. I ask him things like, “Were you active today? Did you eat healthy food, like fruits and vegetables? If so, then you are doing what you are called to do to keep your body healthy.” God controls how tall we are and what size shoes we wear. We control our activity and our food.
I also share that the Spirit of God lives inside him. Would the Holy Spirit live in someone “by mistake”? Never! We want to make sure we take care of His house, so we take care of our bodies.
“Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God -- this is your true and proper worship.” (Rom. 12:1)
Acknowledge: We can control our thoughts.
Negative self-talk is damaging to our self-image. This is true for kids and adults alike. But if we can help teach kids how to take the negative thoughts about themselves captive at a young age, they will have the tools to conquer these thoughts when they become adults as well.
We talk a lot about taking thoughts captive. But if you are talking to a child, you need to explain what that means. I came across a book when my kids were young called Good Pictures, Bad Pictures by Gail Poyner and Kristen A. Jenson. This is how they illustrate the concept of taking thoughts captive:
Our brains have two parts, which will be represented with our two hands.
- With one hand, make a fist. This represents the feeling part of our brains.
- With the other hand, keep your palm open. This represents the controlling part of our brains.
- When a thought or desire comes into our brains, it goes to the feeling part first. That’s just how God made us. But He also made the controlling part, which has the option to overpower the other part of your brain.
- Wrap the flat hand over the closed hand. With our controlling brain, we have the power to decide if that thought or desire is healthy and true. That’s what it means to take thoughts captive.
This exercise is most effective when we regularly share God’s truth with our kids. It will make it easier for them to recognize the feelings that are not accurate or do not line up with God’s Word. The goal is to replace the lies in our heads with God’s truth.
Kids may need help with this for several years, but if you continue to feed them the truth and show them how to replace these thoughts of themselves with what God says about them, they will start to do it themselves. And when that happens, it is a beautiful thing!
Repeat: Know who God says you are.
It’s not enough to hear truth once, though. Our kids must be constantly reminded of the truth, so they don’t drown in body image lies.
My son has a shirt from the Overcomer movie that declares who God says he is in Christ. You do not need this shirt, but maybe make a list like this and post it somewhere that you and your child will see regularly.
In Christ, I am…
- Blessed
- Chosen
- Adopted
- Redeemed
- Forgiven
- Sealed
- Loved
- Saved
- God’s Child
This is the truth about how God sees your child (and you!), but the world is continually telling us another story. Negative, self-defeating thoughts can spiral out of control. One thought can lead to another, and soon the mind is stuck in worst-case thinking where it is hard to separate reality from fear. So many kids are struggling with this battle in their minds. But here is the good news: We have a God who will never leave us or forsake us.
I think of those toddler toys often found at doctors' offices where there is a metal spiral and a small wooden ball (or several) that you can move up and down around the spiral. If you allow gravity and momentum to take place, the ball will continue to spiral down, but you have the ability to stop that momentum and change the direction of the ball. Here’s how that relates to our thoughts:
- Stop the ball. Press “pause” on your thoughts so you have time to decide if they are harmful or healthy.
- Look closely at the ball. Would God agree with your thought? Call out a harmful thought, fear, or lie for what it is.
- Move the ball in the right direction. Repeat what God says about you out loud. Focus on ways to move in a positive direction.
Conclusion
Every kid's struggle is unique, but remind them that they don’t have to do go through it alone. As you guide your child through body image issues, seek God’s wisdom. He would love to walk alongside you and your child as you reflect on just how wonderful God thinks you are.
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