Parenthood is a wild and wonderful adventure. It’s challenging, charming, stretching, and shocking. It’s a catalyst for physical, emotional, and spiritual transformation unlike any other. Parenthood requires a level of self-sacrifice that is productive but many times uncomfortable.
In 1994, Congress designated the fourth Sunday in July as National Parents’ Day in part to “…celebrate the teamwork in raising children.” Parenting is a 24/7 job, and it truly takes a team mentality to raise kids. Even if you’re a single parent or a functional single parent in which your spouse is unable to help, it still takes assembling your support team to raise a child. Pastors, coaches, mentors, teachers, babysitters, grandparents, aunts, uncles, and friends can all be a part of your team.
So, what makes a good team? There are a few attitudes that can either enhance or eliminate your team spirit.
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Get on the same page
As with any type of relationship, clear communication is essential. Talk about everything.
In God’s perfect wisdom, the various stages of childhood development seem to be designed to slowly mature us both as parents and individuals. With each new milestone, there is something delightful and usually something difficult. Talk with your spouse about how you’re going to approach new behaviors as they arise. Decide together how to divvy up tasks.
As you share the burden, commit to keeping the conversation going and revisit topics as necessary. If you think you should change your approach on something, try to talk about it when the kids aren’t around so as not to undermine your spouse. Presenting a united front is important.
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Don’t keep score
You may be on a team, but you’re not playing a game you can win. Don’t keep score. Parenting isn’t 50/50. It’s 100/100. Keeping score and trying to get even will kill your team spirit. There will be times when your partner is only able to give 50 and you are able to give 100 or vice versa. With parenting, you have to show up and give it your all… whatever that looks like today.
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Ask for what you need
At the same time, it is appropriate to directly ask for support from your spouse. No one is able to read your mind, so ask! Be open and honest about your needs and the various tasks of parenthood. Getting frustrated in silence will eventually spill over on your spouse or worse yet, your kids.
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Build your support team
Even two-parent homes need a support system for raising kids. Early on it may be family members, babysitters, and teachers. But as children enter the pre-teen and teenage years, influential adults become even more important.
Youth leaders, coaches, spiritual mentors, and other parents can sometimes deliver truth to a teenager that is dismissed when coming from their own parents. It’s never too early or too late to seek out a network of safe and godly people for your child.
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Fill your cup.
Parenthood is the hardest job I’ve ever had. Not only am I constantly face-to-face with my own sin nature, personal autonomy is at an all-time low. Many little opinions and attitudes must be considered before deciding on a course of action (and even then, someone is probably not happy with my choice.)
It’s so important to fill your cup spiritually during these demanding days. Carve out time to daily read (or listen to) Scripture and pray. Reset your perspective with the truth of God’s word.
Another helpful practice is to coordinate with your spouse to give each other “night’s off.” Having time to go exercise, meet up with friends, or even run errands by myself has been a game changer for me this year. After one of these outings, I’m usually so energized I try to plan a time when my husband can get out by himself, too.
Conclusion
The demands of parenting are constant. It forces you into selfless service over and over and in ways you never imagined. Yet, it’s the most meaningful thing I’ve ever been a part of as we seek to raise our children in the “discipline and instruction of the Lord.” (Ephesians 6:4)
Don’t forget to pray for each other as you pray for your kids. As God uses parenting to make us more like Christ, my hope is that we’ll turn to Him in the difficult and delightful moments. God is always at work – for our good and His glory!
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