“Behold what manner of love the Father has bestowed on us …”
1 John 3:1a
I am a failed journalist. Personal journaling, that is.
Journaling is a really good practice for the believer, but it requires a discipline that I don’t seem to possess. And so, it is telling that I had the discipline when I was first a believer.
I would not have even remembered this, except that I recently discovered in my old paper files ten pages of well-developed thoughts, prayers, and lessons learned from my early life in the Lord.
Go there with me for a moment …
I came to Jesus Christ as a second-year cadet at the United States Military Academy at West Point. I received dedicated discipleship from Jesus-loving officers, sergeants, chaplains, and fellow cadets. I met the godly woman who would be my wife, and by her powerful example, Lizzie was a key part of my discipleship in learning to love Jesus.
Even though my time was consumed day and night by the academic and military rigors of the academy, I still found time to show Jesus that I loved Him by devouring His Word, praying tons, sharing the gospel with school mates, and writing from my heart to and about my living Lord.
My journaling was never consistent, but I also expressed my love for Jesus and my growth in Him through the weekly letters I wrote to Lizzie. Fortunately, she saved everything, so when the time comes to dig through our memorabilia, I hope to learn more of my first love for both Jesus and her. For now, the only records I have in hand are the pages I penned on West Point stationary while on special assignment in the summer of 1980. Let me share a bit of that with you.
But first, a background briefing …
Every cadet deploys on a month-long training assignment to get troop-leading experience in a Regular Army unit somewhere on the planet. I had the incredible privilege of being assigned to 10th Group, U.S. Army Special Forces, Bad Tölz, West Germany.
For four weeks I wore the coveted, and completely unearned, Green Beret and trained alongside the finest warriors our nation can produce. I met up with my A-Team of one officer and eleven sergeants on an ice-capped peak in the Alps. I rappelled into their rugged mountaineering training—and managed to survive the experience!
Next day, I was officially welcomed by the incomparable Captain Robinson. The Green Beret Team Leader glared at me and growled, “I didn’t ask for you to be here. I don’t want you to be here. But I’m stuck with you for four long weeks. It’s a waste of time for you to be here, supposedly learning leadership. There is no leadership you can provide my men, so just do what they do and stay out of their way. Got it?”
I got it! And what a welcome.
But I tell you, it set me up for what I honestly consider the sincerest compliment I have ever received. Two weeks later, the grumpy Captain sat me down for the required mid-point evaluation. Narrowing his eyes and lowering his voice, he said, “Well, you’re not as big of a jerk as I thought you’d be. The men seem to like you okay.” Not completely a jerk … it doesn’t get better than that!
And as I reviewed my rediscovered journal from that time in faraway Europe, I learned from my own writings that if those men “liked me okay,” it was only because I was loving them with the love of Jesus that overflowed out of my heart for them.
Let me share a few excerpts from my Germany journal …
“Jesus, thank you for this chance to grow, to live for you, to share you with these Green Berets. I love thee, Lord.”
“Jesus, thank you for hanging on the cross of Calvary for me and my Lizzie and our future children—for everyone.”
“No greater beauty or majesty have I beheld, dear God—for up in the Alpen landscape I saw Jesus in glory and might.”
“The men of my A-Team are good men, dear Lord, but so in need of you—please break down the barriers Satan has built into their own little society. Jesus, come inside.”
“Help me to love Captain Robinson to you Lord Jesus. God, why is he bitter? Can he tell me? Please tell him over and over that you love him Jesus—and want him. Lord, what is a Jesus Freak to him?” [I had told him I follow Jesus, so he called me a Jesus Freak!]
“As a Christian I am free and joyous in Christ because I know Him, yes, but many pains and burdens must arise for the very same reason. I feel the burden of sin because my eyes are opened to what is sinful. One of my heaviest burdens that follows me anywhere in the world is wanting others to know Jesus but feeling like they never will—at least while I’m with them. I realize I’m making it about me, but Jesus says in my heart that I must want others to know Him for His sake alone—not even my own desires.”
Now, here comes the hard part …
The Holy Spirit used this looking back to convict my heart of something I had let go—something far bigger than journaling: First Love.
I seriously did not want to write about that conviction now, but here we are. I resisted the idea of answering to Jesus about my failed love for Him until I opened His letters to the churches in the book of Revelation. As I read Jesus’ letter to the Ephesians, I did something stranger than usual for me: I imagined the letter was addressed personally to me.
My heart read it something like this …
Dear Bill,
I know your works, your labor, your patience, and that you cannot bear those who are evil … and you have persevered and have patience and have labored for My name’s sake and have not become weary.
Nevertheless, I have this against you, that you have left your first love. Remember, therefore, from where you have fallen. Repent. Do the first works.
In love,
He who walks in the midst of the seven golden lampstands.
If you have some years in the Lord, you probably relate to the deficient condition of the Ephesian church described in Revelation 2:1-7. The believers were doing lots of good things and were even patient to carefully remove evil from their midst. Jesus could commend them for using their heads, even their hands, but He was asking the question, “Where are your hearts?”
We often remember Jesus’ admonition incorrectly, thinking the Ephesians had “lost” their First Love when the Scripture says they had “left” their First Love. That’s good news and bad news. The good news is that the love is not gone, just misplaced. The bad news is that this didn’t just happen; it was intentional. They had entertained other loves, leaving the first one in the dust.
With help from the Holy Spirit, you and I must ask, “What are the other loves I have substituted for First Love? That answer might be different for each of us, but my heart-searching and Scripture-searching has yielded the mostly likely displaced love to simply be …
Knowing Jesus and wanting everyone else to know Him, too.
I was chatting with my friend Kyle, a U.S. Air Force Search and Rescue specialist who God has used to bring many airmen to Christ over a career of military service. I told Kyle that I think of him as a guy who has not left his First Love. Like all of us, he has made mistakes in his life, yet he still embodies the innocence, the vulnerability, and the zeal of the new believer. I asked him how he’s kept his First Love. He could only shrug and say, “Ah, I don’t know, I just want people to know Jesus.”
There it is again: Loving Jesus means wanting others to know Him too.
Think back on your own experience. When you first came to Jesus, weren’t you caught up in the wonder of actually knowing God—that He would speak to you and you could speak to Him? You were so captivated by His presence and all He had to say in His Word that you couldn’t help but worship Him and tell others about Him. You knew next to nothing, yet you knew the most important thing, the most important One. And by loving Him, you found yourself loving others, especially the new brothers and sisters in Christ He was giving you.
Like me, have you left your First Love? We both know that life is too good to be missed out on, so let’s take Jesus’ prescription for getting back to where we belong. He’s so gracious: The way back is right there in Revelation 2. After pointing out the problem, He offers the solution…
Remember; Repent; Do the First Works
Remember
Start by remembering what it was like to go from darkness to light; how you knew that since He had died for you, you would live for Him. Remember your heart singing with the psalmist, “There is nothing on earth I desire besides you.” (Psalm 73:25) Recall the effortlessness of prayer because you had already run to Him and He was already speaking to you. Then remember that His love inexplicably drew you to others who needed His love.
Beloved, let us love one another, for love is of God; and everyone who loves is born of God and knows God. He who does not love does not know God, for God is love. In this the love of God was manifested toward us, that God has sent His only begotten Son into the world, that we might live through Him. In this is love, not that we loved God, but that He loved us and sent His Son to be the propitiation for our sins. Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another.
1 John 4:7-11
Repent
When conviction comes, say no to the errant direction your heart is going and turn it around. It’s no good feeling guilty and trying to hide from God—He sees you and wants you back. “Let us, therefore, come boldly to the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy and find grace to help in time of need.” (Hebrews 4:16) The blood of the Son rescues you, so cry out for mercy for what you’ve done wrong and receive the grace for what you need to do right. Tell Him you’ve left your First Love and pursued other loves. He knows all about that, but tell Him anyway.
Do not love the world or the things in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. For all that is in the world—the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life—is not of the Father but is of the world. And the world is passing away, and the lust of it; but he who does the will of God abides forever.
1 John 2:15-17
Do the First Works
There are ways of prayer, reading the Scriptures, and maybe even journaling that you’ll want to return to, but the essential first work is not found on the laundry list. First Love is the first work—knowing Jesus and wanting everyone else to know Him. “We love Him because He first loved us.” (1 John 4:19) Go back and stay there this time—don’t leave Him for some lesser love that you know neither satisfies you nor glorifies Him. Then do the second part of the first work: Lay down your life for the brethren, for we prove our love for Him who is our Head when we love those who are His Body.
By this we know love, because He laid down His life for us. And we also ought to lay down our lives for the brethren … And this is His commandment: that we should believe on the name of His Son Jesus Christ and love one another, as He gave us commandment.
1 John 3:16, 23
You know, reading back over this, I think I’m already journaling again!
Now it’s your turn. In the comments below, share your thoughts on remembering, repenting, and doing the first works of First Love.
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