We’ve all heard the expression “It’s OK to not be OK,” but many men still seem to feel that doesn’t apply to them. According to studies conducted by the Anxiety and Depression Society of America, while nearly 1 in 10 men experience depression or anxiety, fewer than half of those affected ever pursue counseling or treatment.
We live in a culture today that seems to expect men to be superhuman, strong in body but silent in their struggles. This mindset has even entered the Church. Husbands and fathers are expected to lead their families and shoulder their God-given responsibility without complaint or stumbling, yet they can’t be supermen!
Women often have support systems or encouragers to turn to for help in managing the stress and anxiety of having others dependent on them, but men tend to have fewer close friend groups that lend themselves to that kind of openness and vulnerability. Since expressing their struggles can sometimes be seen as weakness, men often feel forced to weather their stress, anxiety or mental burnout in silence. However, this approach is certainly not the way God intended for any of us, especially men, to navigate hardships! The Bible is full of examples of men freely expressing their burdens and anxieties to God and others and walking alongside one another in them. This approach better equips fathers and husbands to lead their families well.
As we look to celebrating our fathers this June and the work they do to lead and love their families, we should use a biblical approach to mental health and masculinity to turn our focus on supporting fathers, husbands and all men as they navigate struggles in mental health. For Father’s Day, here are three ways that we can help support our hardworking dads and give them the gift of prioritizing and strengthening their mental health.
Remind Men that Emotions Aren’t Weaknesses
A strong lie that has permeated culture for decades is that “real men don’t cry.” When emotion is seen as weakness and stoicism is praised as strength, is it any wonder that men have more difficulty in asking for help?
This argument has no standing in the Bible, as real men of God express their emotions often and deeply in the pages of Scripture. King David had more leadership burdens than we could imagine, from being a father, a husband and a king, but was never afraid to cry out to God for help. Just one glimpse into Psalms shows David’s willingness to bare his heart and soul out to God, and it made him a better man for it. Whether running from King Saul, falling into temptation or facing defeat at the hands of his enemies, the Lord still used David’s circumstances to glorify His name! David felt and expressed every feeling to His Creator, not holding it in as men may feel like society pressures them to do. But it didn’t stop with private prayer. His words were recorded and sung by others in worship, many of them still today. As many dads aspire to be a man after God’s own heart like David, that means in part baring your heart to God and others without fear.
Likewise, the shortest verse of the Bible was written simply to tell us that Jesus wept. Jesus, God’s Son and the perfect man, expressed His emotion freely. If we say that emotions are weakness, how can we reconcile Jesus showing his emotions without implying that Jesus was weak, which we know cannot be true? Perhaps this verse was placed on purpose to show Jesus’ humanity and compassion, and perhaps, it was also placed to show us that real men can feel and care deeply.
“Real men,” as Christians should proclaim, feel their emotions deeply and should be allowed to display them without the fear of being labeled weak. Men are called to love deeply, to love their wives, to love their children and most importantly to love the Lord. But men are also allowed to show that they are not always okay, and that our God is big enough to hold and redeem their struggles.
Remember that Isolation and Shame Aren’t of Christ
As Christians, we must work to erase the stigma that asking for help is weakness or that men are expected to carry their struggles alone. Galatians 6:2 reminds us to “Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.” Whether these burdens mean helping one another overcome sin or encouraging and carrying a brother in the faith when they struggle with mental health, the Body of Christ is called to support one another. The worldly lie that men are to lead in isolation, that if a father or husband asks for support or help from pastors, peers or counselors then they’re a lesser parent or spouse, has no place in a healthy Christian community.
As Christ reminds us in Matthew 7:1-2, “Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.” As Christians working to take down these lies of our culture, Jesus’ example of love, kindness and answering questions without condemnation gives us a great starting point. His example shows us the way, from the woman caught in adultery (John 8) to His answering of John the Baptist’s doubt without shaming (Matthew 11).
This Father’s Day, let’s do a better job encouraging men to unashamedly seek support systems, mentorship, and safe counseling that strengthens their relationship with Christ.
Encourage the Leaders to Submit to The Leader
Another grave misunderstanding in the Church is that husbands and fathers are expected to lead their families through their own strength. On the contrary, the Bible makes it clear that fathers and husbands cannot possibly fulfill their role without God equipping them to do so! While secular culture screams that men must “do it all on their own” and a compromised Church culture may whisper that men need to “prove themselves,” the Bible is clear that parenthood and marriage are impossible apart from God’s power.
Did you know that the leaders of the family are also called to submit? As 1 Corinthians 11:3 reminds us, “I want you to understand that the head of every man is Christ,” or as James 4:7 puts it, “Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you."
Fathers and husbands, men appointed to lead by God, are called more to this command than anyone else. The pressure to lead, to be the holder of primary responsibility in the family, can and will be crushing if men try to handle it on their own, but their role was never meant to be handled alone! God gave husbands an equipper and partner in their wives, and a divine leader and empowerment in God Himself through His Spirit.
So, are we putting more pressure on fathers and husbands to be perfect than we are on them to submit to God’s leadership? There is power in submission to God’s will, and in doing so, the crushing weight of trying to do it all alone is lifted from men’ shoulders!
Building Strong Families Means Encouraging Strong Fathers
These three mindset shifts are only a starting point to help change the stigmas around men’s mental health to better equip and support fathers, husbands and men in their spiritual lives. In building a culture where men can discuss their struggles freely and without condemnation, where they can be encouraged to lean on God and seek extra help when they need it, we build stronger men and stronger families. While this doesn’t happen overnight, and doesn’t always require professional help, Medi-Share's mental health counselors are available 24/7 via telehealth, making it as easy as possible for men to take that first step if extra support is needed.
Looking for spiritual support? You’re not meant to walk alone. Stay connected with the Medi-Share blog for uplifting articles, useful tips, inspirational stories and helpful resources to support you on your journey with God.
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