How to Have the Best Vacation Ever

I snapped a picture a couple of days into a vacation I took with my family to the Florida Keys. As I sat on the back porch, in between a day of fishing and the traditional post-dinner card game with my kids, I knew I would want to capture that moment. It was beautiful, so I recorded it on my iPhone and headed inside to hold my own in what had become a surprisingly competitive game of UNO.

The next morning, I woke up early and grabbed my phone for a little morning technology time. As I looked back at the photo of the sunset, I was struck by how mindlessly I had taken that picture. It was almost as if I took it simply because it was a pretty sunset, and people are supposed to take pictures of pretty sunsets so they can share them on social media. I most certainly was not taking in the beauty of that moment or experiencing it in any significant way. In fact, I wasn't fully experiencing most of that vacation; I was going from one activity to the next, trying to pack our schedule with fun and memorable events. It was a poignant moment for me. One that actually changed the remainder of that vacation, and hopefully one that changes the way I approach all vacations going forward. Here are the lessons I learned while lying in bed, phone in hand, about how to have the best vacation ever.

Don't Be Afraid To Be Bored…Together

My tendency on vacation is to try to do too much. It has always been important that we GO at all times so we can make the most of our time together. So we fish, dive, and snorkel, then we go to the pool, then we eat dinner, then we play a game or throw a Frisbee or fish some more, then we go to bed, wake up, and do it all over again. That's how the Ronsisvalle vacations work. Don't get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with a good, intense game of UNO, but there is something wrong when every minute is filled, and there's little wiggle room to just be still as a family. What would have happened if I had looked at that sunset, walked inside, invited everyone to watch the beauty unfold with me, and then just stared at the stars together? No agenda, no plan, just that moment. My hunch is I'd have more than just a memory of a pretty sunset. I'd have a memory of actually experiencing that beauty with my wife and children. That's more than a good Facebook post. That's a rich memory that will last a lifetime.

Don't Rush

One study on time perception found that the experiences of being busy, rushing, and feeling like there isn't enough time are associated with the impression that time is passing quickly. That's why we often reach the end of a vacation feeling as if it flew by. My goal going forward is to take an extra minute or two and move more deliberately. Maybe I wouldn't invite everyone out to watch the sunset, but I could sit down and take a few minutes to let it sink in and experience it fully on my own. That will only happen if I make the decision to slow down and remind myself that I have all the time I need to live in each moment as it comes.

Put the Phone Down

I'll be the first to admit the irony of lying in bed scrolling through my phone and having this grand epiphany about being more present. But that moment actually reinforced something I already knew and had been conveniently ignoring: my phone is often the single biggest barrier between the people I love most and me. On vacation, I had been using it to check email, scroll social media, and yes, mindlessly photograph sunsets instead of experiencing them. What if I had a simple rule: phone away during meals, during activities, and especially during those unscripted in-between moments that turn out to be the most meaningful ones? I'm not talking about going off the grid entirely, but there is a real difference between using your phone as a tool and letting it use you. The memories I actually stop to make will be far more vivid than any photo in my camera roll.

Let the Kids Lead

One of the unexpected lessons from this vacation came from watching my kids. At some point mid-week, I noticed that when left to their own devices, they weren't stressed about what came next. They were just... in it. Fully present in whatever they were doing, whether it was floating in the water for an hour or sitting on the dock doing absolutely nothing. Kids have a natural ability to experience the moment they are actually in, and somewhere along the way, most of us adults lose that. On the next vacation, I want to be more intentional about letting them set the pace sometimes. Not every day, and not every activity, but enough to remind myself that the goal isn't a perfectly executed itinerary. The goal is connection. And more often than not, my kids already know how to get there.

Don't Do the Same Thing Every Day

The first day of vacation often seems longer, partly because our brains are busy processing a new environment and new information. The more our brains are engaged, the less we slip into the autopilot mode that makes our days blend. I recognized during this trip that my over-scheduling was making the vacation feel pressured, stressed, and rushed. One reason I walked inside instead of pausing to appreciate that sunset is that I was on autopilot, too focused on what I thought I should do next to be present in the moment. My goal going forward is to switch things up more often and seek out activities that are novel and exciting. Maybe I'll swim with dolphins. Perhaps I'll parasail. Whatever I do, I'm committed to ditching the autopilot and embracing some variety. I hope that by pursuing new experiences and staying mindful of what comes next, I'll have more than just a good vacation. I'll be fully engaged in a wider range of feelings like excitement, satisfaction, pride, and awe.

As I look back, I don’t think the goal of a vacation is to escape life for a week. I think it’s to remember how to live it.

And sometimes all it takes is a sunset to remind us.

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