[As previously seen on Crosswalk.com] I have a memory that pops up once in a while. I was in second grade, playing outside with my two best friends. We stood in a circle, and we decided we would each point to our best friend. Lauren pointed at Becca, and Becca pointed at Lauren. I can't remember who I pointed to, but I do remember that no one pointed at me. It was so long ago, so simple, and yet so hurtful.
Rejection, in almost any form, does just that — it hurts. In fact, rejection actually triggers the brain to experience physical pain. According to a National Library of Medicine study, the brain systems that underlie rejection co-opt brain circuits that affectively communicate physical pain. Researchers say, “These results give new meaning to the idea that social rejection 'hurts’.”
And yet, we know that rejection is an inevitable part of everyone’s life — even Jesus’. Isaiah 53:3 says, “He was disparaged and rejected by mankind, a man of suffering, and familiar with pain. Like one from whom people hide their faces he was despised, and we held him in low esteem.”
So what do we do with the pain of rejection?
Not being accepted on a sports team, to your college of choice, or to that job you had your eye on —all of that rejection hurts.
Jesus never said this life would not hurt, but He can use that hurt for good. His own suffering on the cross was for our good. And the trials we go through can have a good purpose, even when they feel less-than-good.
Pain can build strength and endurance, harsh experiences can be used to support another going through a trial, and hardships can change our perspective and help us to realize what is important. Maybe rejection from one opportunity will lead you down a path that you never even thought of — one that God knows will be best for you.
That doesn’t make rejection fun, but it does make rejection valuable.
If God does not open doors of opportunity, He has something else for you. Trust in Him and his perfect plan for your life. In time, you will reap a harvest if you do not give up. God is not done yet; let Him finish your story beyond the rejection.
Experiencing the end of a relationship or rejection from a loved one hurts.
Jesus experienced this too. His own town did not accept Him, and his own followers denied him. “He came to that which was his own, but his own did not receive him.” (John 1:11)
He even had to be separated from the Father to carry our sin on the cross. This had to be done for our forgiveness of sins, but Jesus had to endure the pain of it. Through it all, he kept his focus on the Father and his purpose in this life.
Rejection from people can be even more painful than rejection from opportunities. But God knows how you feel, because he felt it too. Cling to him and seek his face. He can bring comfort and peace in times of great pain.
For example, in the face of relational rejection, it’s comforting to be reminded of God’s unconditional acceptance. Romans 8:39 says, "For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.”
In Christ, we can rest in the knowledge that we will never be rejected by God.
Several times I have explained another's behavior to my kids by saying, “Hurt people hurt people.” Although this may be a true observation, it doesn’t have to be an accepted formula for life. Jesus shows us another way. He shows us that the hurt of our rejection can be used for good.
How did Jesus act when he experienced rejection? He did not run away and quit or build up walls to block others out. And he did not hurt others because he was hurt. He responded with love. He continued to do what he did before. He shared the love of the Father and the hope of salvation for all mankind. It did not distract Him from what He was called to do.
Man may reject you, but God never will. He will never leave you and will guide you when you seek him. If you need comfort, his arms are open. If you need wisdom, pray for it. A relationship with Jesus is the greatest relationship you will ever have.
Look for ways that God might be calling you to use your hurt for good by ministering to others in similar pain. If a parent left early in your life, how can you step in and help fill the void for another? If a relationship was recently severed, how can you offer support? Healing can happen when we constructively redirect the hurt. As God heals your heart, ask him if there are relationships he would like you to nurture.
Rejection from others does not define us. We are loved and made perfect by God. The Bible describes Jesus as the stone the builders rejected, which eventually became the cornerstone. (Psalm 118:22) In a similar way, we can trust that God has a plan and purpose for us too — experiencing rejection may just be how you get there.